seasonal advertising

for sale: World Peace. Never used, mint condition. Price is stop being greedy selfish murderous arses (or nearest offer). no time wasters please.

wanted: man with delicious voice for imaginary relationship. previous exp. a bonus but not necessary. must be willing to hang out in pubs, go to the odd impromptu picnic, read out bits from the paper, perhaps also record bits of my favourite books on tape so i can listen to that when you're busy, and generally not piss me off. remuneration in form of tea, biscuits, little cakes, soup and listening to your beautiful man-voice. perfect for sad bastard, serial philanderer or very closeted gay boy. multi-linguist preferred.

not wanted: woodford tickets, because i've already got some. hurrah!

public notice: in the interests of national cringe, the council of me has decided to save a lot of hassle and just excise Sydney. free to the first bidder, must pay own removal costs. (assistance will be offered if John Howard's in town when you take it away).

for sale: my christmas party invites next year. have already decided that i don't want them.

wanted: sound proofed, airconditioned bubble so that i can float through shopping centres and public transport systems without wanting to stab people.

to anyone who read this far, hope you have a lovely 25th, for whatever reason you can find for loveliness on that day. lots of hugs with the smell of mangoes on my hands,

jane.